[deleted3]

"Takes longer than safe to realise what’s happening." --Takes longer than safe? "I begin to become aware again." --beginning and becoming? I'd re-word that those two words are kinda redudant. ...

This poem reminded me of that teacher in Billy Madison, the one who smears glue all over her face. I have to agree with Xena this seemed very constrained and ...

It's even harder to write today b/c of all the extraneous sources there are. I mean, I'm a huge NBA fan and I can get every single game for just ...

I like the use of the repetition. I wouldn't recommend using it constantly in your various other poems, but for 1 or 2 poems, or a little more in a ...

I figured, I am already higher than most planes, seeing the sky because all it is is my world, for I have known nothing else. But someone offered me some ...

"Anything he could do that would be new, unexplored, adventurous." -- Wasn't too sure if this should've been a separate sentence from the one that before it. It read awkwardly ...

I hold passion in my hand. I am what they cannot understand. The way I see the world is beautiful, Not coloured in the lines imagined on my land. This ...

"This was a truth I had somehow never had the ability to tell him" -- This sentence was awkward to me. "If I had ever gotten the courage to say ...

"The Doctors and Gawkers use your bloody, choking face for a target and claim death, though you haven’t even died." I thought this stanza kind of tapered off and was ...

Pretty good piece. Worthlessness is a feeling unbeknownst to happy, genuine, perfect people. This part really bothered me, it just did not fit in with the whole poem at all ...

"Wiggling Toes" for a title suggestion. Well this is a very good start. It was sweet, uplifting, simple, rhymed ok, and really a very good start to an already pretty ...

"the seem to have gone." -- just a typo, need to add a y I liked that I couldn't tell if the poet was there watching someone experience this in ...

I felt there were some parts where I could easily imagine the lyrics as song lyrics and someone resonating them, and then there were other parts were I felt like ...

"This worked against his favor," -- I'd reword this, seemed awkward. "In his right hand, was a small glass of scotch stained" -- Don't think the comma is necessary there. ...

Yeah, these usually make me say, "Ahh, what the hell is wrong with this person." But the first couple of lines caught my eye. I think this reads more like ...